Homecoming - Chapter Eight

It’s funny how people could dream and think it was real. It’s never before happened to Kaori, but there was a first time for everything. Sure, she’d had plenty of dreams where she and Ryo kissed, where she and Ryo...did other things as well.

She had a daughter; keeping everything PG has become ingrained.

But she’d always known she was dreaming back then. Because she’d known Ryo would never kiss her for real. Nope, that—and other things—were reserved for dreams only. Now, with this particular kiss, she wasn’t so sure she was dreaming. Because it felt so very real. The brush of his tongue against hers, the panting breaths as he switched position, the slight sting of teeth on her lower lip, the arm around her waist holding her close, the hand behind her neck, holding her head in place…

It felt so damn real. But it was just a dream.

Which blew her theory of dreaming but not knowing it right out of the water, since she knew it was just a dream.

Although...it felt so damn real.

It was so great that she didn’t want to pinch herself or do anything to wake herself up. She didn’t want to lose this feeling of Ryo kissing her.

She sighed softly into his mouth—she’d closed her eyes long ago, lifted her hands up to his shoulders, and let her fingers stay there—there’d be plenty of time to circle his neck later, let him do all the work for now—and let herself simply feel.

Feel Saeba Ryo holding her close, kissing her breathless in the middle of her living room. They had all night; Noemi was sleeping and—

Holy shit, Saeba Ryo was kissing her in the middle of her living room with Noemi sleeping in her room. This was a new scenario. There was no Noemi in any of her previous dreams, sleeping or waking, or whatever. This dream was too real for comfort.

Experimentally, she made a tight fist, feeling her fingernails bite into her palm. She had her answer right there. This dream was too real for comfort because it was real.

Saeba Ryo truly stood there, in the middle of her living room, kissing her breathless. That was a new development. A development, Kaori was reluctant to put an end to.

For now.

Screw it, she thought, circled his neck with her hands, and let herself feel the reality. You only live once, right?

After what seemed like an eternity, Ryo lifted his head. “Satisfied?”

Her limbs heavy, her heart racing, and her breath coming in loud gasps, she looked up at him. His eyes shone with a mixture of tenderness, mischief, and passion. Yes, passion. She hadn’t been a nun these past seven years. She knew very well what passion looked like; she knew how to look for it in a man’s eyes.

In that moment in time, Saeba Ryo wanted her.

“Satisfied?” she murmured. “Hardly.”

And she pulled his head down to hers for a taste of more of that passion that kept burning in his eyes.

With an appreciative growl, he placed both hands on her waist and lifted her. She was more than happy to oblige and quickly circled his waist with her legs.

He rid her of her jacket; she helped him with his, while their mouths remained fused together. He moved, and soon she felt the wall at her back.

Now we’re talking!

She tunneled her fingers into his hair as he released her mouth and kissed lazily down her chin and her neck. He pulled the collar of her T-shirt away from her shoulder and laved her collarbone with his tongue. He nibbled his way back up her neck to her ear and gently bit on her earlobe.

Kaori almost went up in flames. Her neck was one of her most sensitive spots, especially that tender point just beneath her ear, the spot he kept kissing and licking, but she’d never had such a strong reaction before.

Her nipples were tingling, begging for his touch; the heat of his mouth; her sex was throbbing with tiny little shocks; and he’d done nothing more than kiss her and lick her neck.

Jesus, what would actual sex with him feel like? Would she survive? Did it matter if she survived?

He lifted his head, his gaze slowly traveling from her heaving chest up to her parted lips, until he met her eyes. The passion in his gaze was carefully banked as he, pressing her more firmly against the wall, cupped her cheeks in both hands, tenderly brushing his thumbs over her lips.

“I’m glad you were happy,” he murmured, before passion blazed again, and he lowered his head to kiss her ravenously.

Unfortunately, Kaori wasn’t feeling at all ravenous anymore. Or passionate. Or tingly. The flames were effectively doused.

She pushed him away. “Excuse me?”

He dared look confused as she applied more pressure against his sternum when he tried lowering his head again.

“You’re glad I was happy?” she asked.

He shrugged, apparently resigned she wanted to talk. “In these seven years. I’m glad you were happy. That’s all I wanted.”

She felt ice infuse her veins. “You wanted me to be happy.”

Ryo nodded. “That’s all I ever wanted.”

With a muttered oath, she disentangled her legs from his waist and pushed him away. He steadied her, but she swatted his hands away.

“Let me get this straight,” she said, narrowing her eyes as she pulled her T-shirt back in place. “All you ever wanted was for me to be happy?”

He was looking at her as if she’d grown two heads. He had no idea.

“You thought that by insulting me, treating me like a child, telling me how incompetent I was, toying with my feelings, you were making me happy?!”

Alarm swept over his face. “Kaori—”

“Shut up!” she snapped. “Shut up and listen, Saeba. For years I kept hoping that you’d get to see me as your equal, as someone worthy of you. And what did you do? Insulted me, called me names, treated me like a maid, and flirted with and seduced everything in a skirt that wasn’t me. And when you finally grew a pair and made it clear you had something resembling feelings for me, I got amnesia, and you promptly used it as an excuse to get back to where we started.

“It took me a while, but I realized it wasn’t me that wasn’t worthy of you. It’s the other way around. You’re not worthy of me. Yes, I’ve moved on. Did you think I’d wait and pine for you, save myself for you? Tough. I’ve moved on. I have a child, I have a life that doesn’t revolve around you. And yes, I was happy, so damn happy until you walked into my life again.”

She poked him in the chest. “I see you don’t really like the thought of me being happy. Being happy with another man, having a child with another man. Well, tough. You’ve lost the privilege of dictating my life seven years ago.”

“I never dictated your life, Kaori,” he said softly. “You never understood. You could never understand.” He looked down, sighed, and looked at her again. “With the life I led, forming any sort of attachment was perilous. Didn’t you ever notice how you were constantly in danger? You were my weakness, and everybody exploited that. That’s why I kept pushing you away, why I kept pretending not to feel anything for you.”

“Well, boohoo to you,” she snarled, refusing to back down.

“But as much as I wanted to push you away, I couldn’t. I wanted to keep you close because...Because you made the burden lighter. You were a light in the darkness, a haven for me. Yes, I was selfish, I know, but I didn’t want to lose you. I never wanted to lose you, but I didn’t know how to deal with that or how to tell you that.”

She scooped up his jacket off the floor and shoved it at him. “Save it.”

“Kaori—”

She walked to the front door and opened it. “Get the fuck out of my apartment.”

He slowly pulled on his jacket and walked toward her. “For what it’s worth,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

And he walked out of her apartment, out of her life yet again, without another word, without another look, leaving her to close the door behind him with eyes blinded by tears.

Noemi stood in the darkened hallway outside her bedroom, listening to Kaori’s quiet sobs. She’d pretended to be dead asleep earlier in order for Ryo to carry her—she’d known he would, he was that kind of guy—and spend some more time with Kaori.

It had felt good resting against his chest, being in his arms. Strong, confident, reliable arms. Arms a dad should have. She wouldn’t mind having him for a daddy; he’d be a great dad—she’d seen how he acted with the three boys. He’d treated them and her, not as children but as equals, talked to them, played with them. He’d be a wonderful father, and she’d finally have a real family. And her mom would finally be really happy.

So when she’d crept out of bed and saw them kissing, she’d been so glad that her plan had come to fruition, that she’d managed to help Kaori and Ryo get together, and that maybe they’d be a real family one day.

She’d been on her way back to her room when it had all gone down the drain. She didn’t understand everything, didn’t see the connection—she hadn’t been there when they’d lived and worked together—but she could hear the hurt in her mother’s voice, in Ryo’s. There was so much between them, so much left unsaid, so much left unresolved, that her heart ached for both of them.

Because underneath all that hurt, bitterness, and feelings of betrayal—why didn’t Kaori tell him the truth?— there was love.

So much love.

The kind of love that doesn’t falter, that doesn’t die no matter what. No matter the time and space. A love that lasts forever.

Noemi felt a vise tighten around her heart as Kaori told him to leave; her lower lip trembled as Ryo complied, and tears ran down her cheeks as she listened to her mother cry.

Love hurts.

Now she finally understood that saying.