What Men Want - Chapter 33

Okay, you can do it. You rehearsed it, remember? No biggie. Okay, here goes nothing. Kaori—

“Words might work better.” She smiled and tapped her finger against her temple. “The reception is not that good.”

He blinked. Shook his head, then scratched his jaw. “Jesus, Kaori, it’s not that simple.”

“Of course it is,” she told him patiently. “You’ve seen me do it just now. You open your mouth, form words, and try to explain just what’s in that thick head of yours.”

He stared at her mutely, and she wanted to kick him for making his mind go blank again.

“Damn it,” she snapped. “I know you prefer actions to words, Ryo, but you have to start explaining yourself sometime. I promised I wouldn’t leave, but I cannot live like this anymore. Not now. I—”

“I’m not a good bet, Kaori,” he said softly, his eyes on hers. Eyes that were for once clear of shadows and mists, so she could clearly read them. “That’s what this is all about.”

“What?” she asked, her heart in her throat, tears threatening as she tried to decipher the mix of emotions she saw in his eyes.

“I’m a killer,” he told her in an even tone. “My hands are covered in blood, and no matter what I do, I can never erase my sins.”

She shook her head, walked to him, and took his hand in hers. “You did what you did in order to survive,” she told him, trying to make him understand. Again. “I never judged you.” She smiled sheepishly as he arched an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe at the beginning, but I didn’t know you then. I know you now, Ryo. I know you; I even understand you, if you bother talking to me, that is. I know what’s inside you, and I’m not afraid of it. I’m not afraid of you.”

She spoke to his deepest fear. The fear that she would leave once she learned the truth. The fear that she’d be afraid of him.

“I know the truth about you, and I’m still here. I’ve lived in your world since I was twenty, and I’m still here. What the hell are you afraid of?”

“Everything,” he whispered.

She blinked up at him, her mouth falling open. “What?”

“I’m afraid of you laughing in my face. I’m afraid of something happening to you. I’m afraid of bringing you further into my world and having you hate me in the end. I’m afraid of you walking away.” I’m afraid of hurting you.

She rose on her tiptoes and cupped his face in her palms. “You hurt me more by pretending not to care, Ryo,” she whispered. “You hurt me more by chasing other women. You hurt me every time you come back late smelling of cheap perfume.”

He grabbed her wrists, his eyes boring into hers. “And that’s it. I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself. I just couldn’t...It’s all been a ruse, a farce. I haven’t slept with anyone in a long time. Not since I realized—”

She stared up at him, her wrists and gaze held captive. “Realized what?” she whispered.

She held her breath, not daring to speak further, barely daring to blink in fear of making him stop.

“Not since I realized what I feel for you.”

She wanted to scream in frustration. When would he stop speaking in circles? “And what do you feel for me?”

Just say it, man. Find your fucking balls and say it. You’ve come too far now; there’s no turning back. Just say it. She’s so fucking beautiful, she’s so close, and she’s touching you. Just say it. I love you, Makimura Kaori. Simple, right?

Her heart felt like it was about to burst out of her chest; she felt light-headed; her legs were slowly turning into jelly; everything turned blurry; and there was this strange sound in her ears, like bubbles bursting in a glass of soda. He said it. Oh, God, he told her he loved her. Saeba Ryo just told her he loved her. This was a big deal, damn it. A huge deal. He loved her.

“I love you, too,” she whispered, smiling. “I love you, too.” And then, using her current position to her advantage, she closed her eyes and pressed her mouth to his.

His big body shuddered, then he dropped his hands from her wrists, circled them around her waist, and pulled her flush against him as he slipped his tongue into her mouth on a harsh groan. As their tongues tangled, he snuck one hand under her pajama top and the other down to her ass.

She mewled as he squeezed her buttock and pressed her into the v of his thighs, where she could feel just how happy he was to have her there. And if that wasn’t proof enough, the images in his mind provided for the rest. She would’ve blushed and hid her face against his neck if their mouths weren’t fused together. So she just blushed, clung to his neck, and kissed him back for all she was worth. As far as first kisses went, she sure won the prize. Alleluia!

Ryo suddenly lifted his head, his mouth puffy and glistening, his eyes languid as he looked down at her. “I love you,” he told her hoarsely.

If she thought his earlier confession, only in his mind, was huge, hearing him say it felt like a kick in the gut. It made her want to laugh and cry at the same time, jump from joy, and scream her happiness from the rooftop. Instead, she merely sniffed and grinned at him. “Just remember who said it first.”

His grin mirrored hers, his eyes alight with a joy she’s rarely seen before. “I’m sure you won’t let me forget it.”

She giggled and tried to pull his head back down to hers, but he resisted, suddenly serious, making her heart lurch painfully in her chest.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” he whispered. “I was an idiot and a fool, and I’m so sorry for everything.”

She swallowed, blinking to keep her tears at bay.

“I can’t take it all back, but I swear I’ll never hurt you again.” Not on purpose. “I know I don’t really deserve your forgiveness, but I’m still asking for it. You own my heart, Makimura Kaori, and I’ll love you forever.”

Oh, God. He might be a man of few words, but when he put his mind to it, he sure knew how to pick those few words. “I love you so much,” she whimpered. “So, so much.”

And she was back in his arms, his mouth devouring hers, his fingers on her skin inflaming her. She wasn’t aware they were moving until her back hit the wall and the kiss changed. Urgency morphed into a leisurely exploration of lips, tongue, and teeth as he slowly abandoned her mouth and laved a fiery path down over her jaw to her throat and neck, until the collar of her pajamas stopped his progress, making him growl.

Wondering just where she was pulling all this sudden moxie from, she pushed him away, and, before he could muster one single word of protest, she grabbed the hem of her pajama top and pulled it off over her head. Now she stood before him wearing nothing but a pair of utterly ruined panties and a blush. Her arms twitched with her need to cover herself, but the look of awe in his eyes stopped her. So she merely gulped and stood there, feeling his gaze rove over her in an almost palpable caress.

Oh, thank you, Lord.

She shuddered at the reverent proclamation and then whimpered as he brushed the tips of his fingers gently, softly across the tops of her breasts. The whimper turned into a moan as he cupped her breasts in his large, warm palms, teasing her nipples with the pads of his thumbs.

Then, one palm molding against her breast, he circled his other arm around her waist, bending her slightly backwards, so her back was off the wall while her head still rested on it. Then he lowered his head on a quiet, almost resigned moan and latched onto her breast, making her eyes flow wide.